Constantly sing Hannah Montana songs in your head.
Commonly refer to him as Bloodsucker or Stalker
When he's out in public, screech," OMG! It's Robert Pattinson!" Refuse to rescue him from the fan girls.
Pull him aside and quietly ask if he needs a laxative. (Because he always looks constipated)
Fill Bella's pillows with garlic, putting an end to his stalkerish sleep-watching.
Tell him Emily's giant muffins pwn Esme's. Then get Emmett to go,"Burn..."
Buy Bella a cat. Watch him try not to eat it. Make sure its a black cat. The hair will get all over his white turtlenecks.
Refer him to a plastic surgeon, whispering," I saw New Moon. This guy's good with nipples." (because he has lopsided nipples)
Shave his head. (Vampire hair, if I'm clear on vampire biology, doesn't grow.)
Write a song about how Jacob is so much Sexier. Teach the words to Bella and tell her that if she can sing it constantly for weeks on end, she will win a prize of immortality. Sit back and watch the show.
Try killing Bella. That will really annoy him.
Feel free to keep the list going!
Tell loads of girls he loves them and then watch and enjoy!
Follow him around all day, staring. When he tells you to stop, or asks what you're doing, reply: "It isn't so romantic, is it?!"
Think about Edward/Jacob slash in many details when you're around him.
Think about Bella in a sexual way
Constantly remind him that he can't have sex with Bella without hurting her. But Jacob could.
Repeatedly think Edward Cullen then sing Baby by Justin Bieber in your head
Change his ringtone to "Like a Virgin"
Picture in your head Edward wearing a toutou and dancing on the Phoenix Ballet Studio
When he cleans a room as soon as he leaves, go in and Trash it!!!
Constantly ask him if he can read minds all day and when he really gets frustrated think I know you can and he'll scream that he can't!!
if you are jacob black then remember bella when he was gione
if you are a guy have your shirt off all the time
Remind him that his Volvo isn't as sexy as Emmett's Jeep or Carlisle's Mercedes
Keep hanging out at his house until he asks who you are and say "Bella's Boyfriend!" than sit back and watch as domestic abuse ensues
Keep thinking about jaccob
make him stay away from bella
Tell him a yo mama joke.
Constantly talk about Dracula, wear an I love Van Helsing T-shirt, drag him to the cina for a Dracula film marathon, starting with Nosferatu, ending with Bram Stoker's Dracula.
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