|Directed by|| Jason Friedberg|
|Produced by|| Peter Safran|
Jerry P. Jacobs
|Written by|| Jason Friedberg|
|Starring|| Jenn Proske|
|Distributed by||20th Century Fox|
|Release date(s)||August 18, 2010|
Vampires Suck is a 2010 American vampire spoof film based on the Twilight (film) directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, starring Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Christopher N. Riggi, Ken Jeong and Anneliese van der Pol.
Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) moves to Sporks to live with her clueless father, Sheriff Frank (Diedrich Bader), after her mother starts an affair with Tiger Woods. Meanwhile, killings have been happening to random people and the number one culprit is the Kardashians. Becca is quickly befriended by many students at her new high school, but she is intrigued by the mysterious and aloof Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter), who perplexes her during their time in biology. Later, Becca is nearly struck by a van in the school parking lot. Edward inexplicably moves from several feet away and stops the vehicle with a student without any harm to himself or Becca, the student being badly injured. He later refuses to explain this act to Becca and warns her against befriending him. After much research, but reaching the wrong conclusion that he is a Jonas Brothers, Edward corrects her saying he's a vampire, though he only consumes animal blood and shows her his shiny bling he wears under his clothes.
The pair fall in love but Edward denies having sex with her and instead Edward introduces Becca to his vampire family on her birthday. While unwrapping a gift, Becca gets a paper cut, causing Edward's family to relapse by her blood's scent and attempt to kill her. Realizing the danger that he and his family pose to Becca, Edward ends their relationship while saving her from the one of the three nomadic vampires who have been killing humans, Jack (Charlie Weber), knocking his head off with a baseball bat.
Edward's departure leaves Becca heartbroken and depressed for months as she discovers that thrill-seeking activities evoke Edward's preserved image. She is also comforted by her deepening friendship with Jacob White (Christopher N. Riggi), the cheerful childhood friend who eases her pain over losing Edward. But due to his strange puberty, Becca discovers he has become a werewolf as his pack arrive to maul another of the nomadic vampires. Edward has moved to Brazil and is now dating Lady Gaga but through a series of miscommunications, Edward believes Becca has killed herself and attempts to provoke the "Zolturi" — a powerful vampire coven capable of killing him — by standing butt naked in the sunlight at the site of the school prom. Becca rushes to the prom in a Porsche 911 to save Edward. Upon arrival, she is slowed down during the warring factions of Edward and Jacob fangirls. She is able to make it in time to see Edward completely naked with a disco ball replacing his penis, which is so bright no one can see him until it becomes twilight and a new moon appears just as an eclipse starts where everyone can see Edward breaking dawn. Everyone stares at him in awe until he bends over to pick up a penny which reveals his hairy butt. Becca, after being awe struck, shows Edward she is alive but not in time for the Zolturi to have seen him naked. However after a fight between him and the Zolturi leader, Daro (Ken Jeong), Edward is forced to make Becca into a vampire so their lives would be spared. He does so after Becca agrees to marry him if he makes her a vampire. The movie concludes with Edward taking a blow to the head by the head Jacob fangirl, who ends up becoming Becca's first meal as a vampire.
The film was released on August 18, 2010.
Like most of Jason Friedberg's and Aaron Seltzer's movies, Vampires Suck received largely negative reviews and had a 6 % rating from Rotten Tomatoes. Metacritic, whose score is based on a 0-100 scale, gave the film an 18/100 based on 16 reviews.
"Witlessly broad and utterly devoid of laughs, Vampires Suck represents a slight step forward for the Friedberg-Seltzer team." Another review aggretator, Metacritic, which consists of a normalized rating from 0–100 on reviews from mainstream critics, calculated an average score of 18 based on 16 critics. Jenn Proske's performance received some praise. Spill.com, whose video reviews are usually around five minutes long, had a twenty second review which consisted of Korey Coleman staring blankly into the camera before uttering, "F*** you". The review by Peter Travers of Rolling Stone was only four words long, which simply stated: "This movie sucks more." Film critic Mark Kermode reviewed the film on his Radio 5 show, prefacing the review by saying "It's no surprise to know that it's all terrible, witless, boring, terror". He criticized the film for what he perceived as stale subject matter, saying that the Twilight franchise had left the public consciousness and was no-longer fit for parody, "It's not just that the ship has sailed; it's that the ship has sailed, gone across the Atlantic, hit an iceberg, sunk, been dragged up at least one company, been turned into the biggest movie hit ever, and is now currently being retrofitted for 3D for an anniversary re-release."