Intro to review

I'd planned on composing a review for Kristen Stewart's new movie Snow White and the Huntsman a month ago, when I first saw the movie, but I held it off. Now, after seeing it for a second time, I'll write a review.

Plot (spoiler alert)

The plot of Snow White and the Huntsman was intriguing, and not like the fairytale Snow White and the Seven Dwarves or even the other Snow White movie that was released this year, Lily Collins' Mirror Mirror. SWATH was a lot darker than both films, and I loved it. The plot in a nutshell (and in my own words) is: Snow White's mother has a baby; Snow's mother dies; Snow's father (who is the king) finds a new wife; Ravenna (Charlize Theron) is a power-hungry, beauty-hungry bitch who kills the king on the night of their wedding; she locks Snow in a tower for what seems like a really long time; Snow becomes of age to be the fairest of them all; Ravenna sends her little bitch/brother to go kill Snow; he tries yet fails and Snow gets away; Snow runs and runs; she jumps off a cliff (for the second time); more running ensues; she later ends up in the scary-ass Dark Forest and nearly gets her ass handed to her; she falls asleep ('cause she's used to being abandoned in the woods *cough*); more stuff happens; Eric the huntsman comes into play; dwarves come into play; a dwarf dies later; Ravenna gradually becomes bitchier; William, Snow's childhood friend, comes into play; SNOW KISSES WILLIAM; then she takes an apple and bites into it; AND THEN SHE DIES. SHE FRICKING DIES; but, oh shit, that's not really William, it's actually Ravenna; oh shit, Snow's still dead; William kisses her but, shit, it doesn't work; Snow continues to be dead; the hunstman's crying about something; he kisses Snow; she fucking wakes up and is ready to kick Ravenna's bitchy ass; she's the life of the pep rally as she gives her people a pep talk and is like, "This fucking sucks, we're gonna take back our kingdom. I'd rather die again than be part of this crap. WHO'S WITH ME?!!?"; everyone's like, "HELL YEAH, FUCKING RIGHT!!"; Snow, the Huntsman, William, and co. ride horses and half of them are taken out by Ravenna's army; more ass-kicking ensues; Snow fights Ravenna and is losing - horribly; she later kills Ravenna but she doesn't look happy that she did that because she's a princess and princesses tend to feel bad for somebody, all time; she is declared the queen and she is most definitely the fairest of them all; all hail the queen!

Also, as much as it may seem, the movie really isn't about Snow White. It's really about the queen, Ravenna. Snow White is a princess, but she really doesn't know how to lead. She just wants good things for her people. She's a little clueless, but in the end she is still strong, and I like that. And, this movie is not a passionate movie, as it's not supposed to be. The kisses are sweet and nice.

The movie is good the entire way through, but it starts to get HOLYCRAPWHATSGONNAHAPPENIMABOUTTOPISSMYPANTS-good after she kisses William. Ah, the last half hour or so of the movie is awesome. And I love this monologue that Kristen has when she's giving her people that pep talk after she is alive again:

"Iron will melt, but it will writhe inside of itself! All these years, all I've known is darkness. But I have never seen a brighter light than when my eyes just opened. And I know that light burns in all of you! Those embers must turn to flame. Iron into sword! I will become your weapon! Forged with a fierce fire that I know is in your hearts! For I have seen what she sees, I know what she knows. I can kill her. And I'd rather die today than live another day of this death! And who will ride with me? Who will be my brother?"

Seriously, she's like yelling at them and it's fucking awesome to watch. #TeamSnow5ever.


This movie is a perfect example of how to make a good movie, visually. The cinematography was AWESOME. It was scary when it was really dark, but when you get to the lighter parts, it's fucking gorgeous. Absolutely perfect. When Snow, the huntsman, and the dwarves were in the enchanted forest (or whatever the hell it's called), it was so magically and beautiful and amlfkajfaflkjfj, even the second time around.


Also perfect. You guys may or may not be as passionate about music as me, but it was fucking great. Snow's theme is absolutely beautiful. I'm gonna marry this film's music. It reminds me a lot of the score of the 2010 film Alice In Wonderland. It's enchanting. Very well done.


SWATH gave Kristen Stewart a lot to prove. She has proven that she can act, or she's at least improved from Twilight. The reason why nobody thinks she can act is because those people have only seen her in Twilight, and for a long time, those were the only movies of hers that went to theaters. Kristen's best acting are in her indie movies that never go to theaters, and nobody gives her a chance because nobody gives her indie movies a chance. SWATH is the first movie of Kristen's that's not Twilight to go to a lot of theaters in a long time. The last one was probably Adventureland. It's exciting to see a movie of Kristen's that's not Twilight go into theaters because, come on - we're all sick of seeing her as Bella. Kristen's performance as Bella is weak only because the scripts suck ass, but mainly, Bella sucks ass, too. Kristen isn't given a lot to work with. She's a good actress, but nobody can tell with Twilight because Bella's such a poor character. Those who haven't seen her other films would think that she's a beginner and has zero acting chops whatsoever, which is not the case; Kristen has been in more movies than the number of years old she is. When you're only twenty-two and have a good amount of films on your belt, that's something. Now we have SWATH, which proves to more people that she can act. And, of course, there are still the people that are unconvinced. Kristen must be doing something right if she keeps landing all these roles, ya know? When you compare SWATH to Twilight and Adventureland, she has improved a lot. Apart from Kristen's performance, the other ones were good, too. The lovely Chris Hemsworth (aka Thor) was a drunken, sloppy mess of a huntsman - it was great. And then there's Charlize Theron, who was brilliant. She was crying and screaming and shit. It was awesome. Can we please hand her an award? The dwarves were also enjoyable. There was really no performance that bombed this movie. It was a little uneven, but still enjoyable.


Overall, the film is pretty damn good. A little slow in the middle, yet fun and thrilling overall. It's less jokey than Mirror Mirror, and a lot better, too. By the looks of it, Mirror Mirror looks like crap.

From an A+ to F scale, I give Snow White and the Huntsman a B, because it was a pretty good movie, in my opinion. Very well made.


Turns out, the DVD release date is September 7, 2012. The movie's probably not in theaters that much anymore (the last time I saw it, which was on Friday, there were only about seven people in the theater in all), but the DVD and Blu-ray release date isn't that far. Watch it! Or watch it online or something! It's good.

And guess what?

A sequel to SWATH is currently planned. I'm not sure what they could do, since the queen is already dead, but I'd watch it. The director, Rupert Sanders, is in talks to return. Hell yeah!

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