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101 Ways To Annoy Edward Cullen (Part 1)

So, I made a list of ways to annoy Edward Cullen, Bella's beloved love interest in the Twilight Saga. This is not supposed to offend any fans of Edward. This is a JOKE, and I'll even post ways to annoy Jacob, Bella, the Cullens, Renesmee, the wolf pack, and the Volturi too when I finish them. Now that all of that is cleared up, here are my 101 ways to annoy Edward Cullen, with the help of a YouTube video, and many different articles on the web. Oh, and give me a break. It's not like you'd actually get away with annoying him various times, and I know that, so there's no reason to be pointing things like that out. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy.

  1. Always call him Eddie.
  2. Give yourself a paper cut and wave your finger in front of his face, asking, "Do ya want some?"
  3. Tell him that he doesn't look scary.
  4. Make a Transylvania University sweatshirt for him, telling him that he needs to "recall the good old days". Bonus points if you can make a fake yearbook too.
  5. Ask him to help you do something nearly impossible (save/rule the world, build an atomic bomb, find a rainbow unicorn, etc.). When hehas trouble, tell him, "Never mind. I'll just have Jacob help me."
  6. Drive really, really slow.
  7. Sign him up for a blood drive.
  8. Hang posters all over his room that say things like, "I support Jacob" and "Jacob Black for president".
  9. Tie Bella to some railroad tracks. When he gets angry, say, "A little overprotective, aren't we? I'm sure Jacob wouldn't mind this at all."
  10. Scream and ask, "Hey aren't you that guy from Harry Potter??!!"
  11. Tell him that Jane has the coolest power ever, and it is way cooler than mind-reading, which is just an invasion of privacy.
  12. Constantly suggest that he should eat Bella, not date her. Say, "A human wouldn't date a piece of chocolate cake, would they?"
  13. Mention that he isn't a real vampire.
  14. When flying on an airplane, tell him in a low voice, "If this plane crashes on an island, we're eating Bella first."
  15. Suggest that his life is too stressful and that he should invest in aromatherapy.
  16. Invite Jacob's whole family to the wedding. When Edward gets mad, cry and wail, "I was only trying to help!"
  17. Invite the Volturi to the wedding.
  18. Make a list of why werewolves are better than vampires. Act offended when he does not like the list.
  19. Kidnap Bella. When he asks where she is, tell him, "Don't worry about it."
  20. When he threatens to kill you, say in a calm voice, "Now aren't we being a little hasty?"
  21. When he really is going to kill you, blame Alice. Say she took Bella shopping in L.A.
  22. Poke him repetitively.
  23. Scream at him in public about being a stalker for always following Bella and watching her sleep.
  24. Tell him to get piano lessons because his skills suck and he is tone deaf.
  25. Ask him hold old he is.
  26. When he tells you, drop your jaw and shout, "OME YOU'RE OLD!"
  27. Take his pulse and freak out when you discover he does not have one.
  28. Tell him that he needs to get a tan, then take him to a tanning salon.
  29. Go into his room and smash his CD collection. Whe he comes in, point at the mess and say, "Lookie. Shiny.
  30. Call him a stupid, shiny Volvo owner.
  31. Any time you're near him, jump in front of a moving car, demanding to be saved.
  32. Ask him why everyone in his family has more muscles than him.
  33. Run around with a lighter, threatening to set him on fire if he comes and closer to you.
  34. Show him a picture of Robert Pattinson and laugh at their resemblance.
  35. Use large, elegant words for an entire conversation, then ask if he understood what you meant.
  36. Call him a leech, bloodsucker, parasite, or a combination of all three.
  37. Go to the back of the Cullen house and constantly chuck rocks at the glass walls.
  38. Throw garlic at him while shrieking, "DIE DIE!"
  39. Invite him to a bonfire in La Push.
  40. Act offended when he rejects the invitation.
  41. Buy him a pet dog and name it Jacob.
  42. Hire Tanya to jump out of a cake for him.
  43. Force him to eat regular food.
  44. Sing "Seventeen Forever" by Metro Station to him.
  45. Make a shirt for him that, on the front, says, "I kissed a wolf," and on the back, "and I liked it."
  46. Force him to wear the custom t-shirt.
  47. For the wedding reception, make the theme of the plates, cups, napkins, and decorations Harry Potter.
  48. Scold him for going out with Bella who is sooo much younger than him.
  49. Get a $100 gift certificate to McDonald's for his ______ (fill in the blank) birthday.
  50. Cry when he cannot use it because he cannot eat.

To be continued in Part 2.....

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