User blog:Puddinginthesky/Urgent Questions Regarding...

Regarding stuff. Yah. So, anyway, I was so confused when I began thinking about these things. Please, help me.

Read the words in *asterisks* with an British accent.

1. Does Alice have *three families?*
2. Why did Stephenie Meyer admit to not developing her characters for the sake of self insertion fantasy? Doesn't she know that's sort of a bad thing?
3. Why is Bella so *selectively self centered?* Everything is about her.
4. Okay, who would win in a fight? Bella or Sookie? Pre-Breaking Dawn, of course. Again, didn't specify what kind of fight... Verbal? Physical? EMOTIONAL? Mental? All four?
5. What makes Stephenie compare her characters to those of Wuthering Heights?
6. Is New Moon really necessary? As it seems most....*boring to some*?
7. Why does Bella take saftey precautions for her jumps, as in remembering what she learned about diving? If she's being stupid, why bother?
8. Do Twilight fans enjoy any other vampire related books? What are these books?
9. Why do Stephenie Meyer's vampires sparkle and have no fangs? Were they intended as faeries?
10. Is Stephenie Meyer aware of her Mary Sue main characters? Not just in Twilight, mind you?
11. Does Bella excuse Edward's behavior and shortcomings because she isn't strong enough to face them? Sookie provoked this thought... Is it true?
12. Is Bella actually how Stephenie Meyer wished she looked...?
13. Why do none of the characters gets as irritated with Bella's lack of brain and personality as us readers?
14. Why weather? Why? Why so many reference to freaking weather. Weather this, weather that, blah blah blah.
15. Is there a reason why Bella describes everything so fully?
16. How do you chuckle darkly...?
17. Other people hear Bella's heartbeat... Should she, maybe, go to a hospital or something? *Maybe stay there*? Forever, if that's *not too much to ask*?
18. How can Bella see a room if lights *are blinding her*?
19. Do tears usually make noise when they flow down your face? Like, do Bella's make *an obnoxious* "errrrccchhhh" scraping noise? Is that why she says the tears flowed noiselessly down her cheek?
20. Can you have noise in silence? Bella says the last note hung poignantly in the silence...? Is this possible, or did it just break the silence and she was *too stupid* to phrase it right?
21. Is Bella really so boring that in the meadow Edward just says "Oh, you do...whatever...and I'll just sing to myself. La da da da da la da da da..." ?
22. Does Bella sound like a baritone man? And, how does she catch herself whistling?
23. How the....How do you groan internally? Would it not make a sound anyway?
24. So, of those three things she was so certain about, she only had proof for like..one...so the rest is nill and doesn't count, right?
25. WHAT ON EARTH does velvet even sound like? Bella loves using it. On that note, what does furious velvet sound like?
26. Bella....she gets so excited over...weather. "Oh, bright light shining through my window! It's the sun." Nah, durp. Why is she so...Why?
27. How the heck can hair be "bronze"? Is it like encased in a bronze cast or what? Seriously, Ed, don't wash your hair with that stuff....Not sure that's possible...Liquid bronze...Liquid topaz..? Anyways, how?
28. Why does Bella insist on making every one of her realizations so...exaggerated? It took her forever to realize Jacob's hand was, in fact, not a rock. What the heck?
29. Why does Bella always overexplain everything? Like how Jacob's eye was wet due to rain, or how the clouds moved because of yadayadayada?
30. Why does Stephenie Meyer decorate her sentences with extravagent and improper punctuation?
31. Why does no one consider Emily as the vicitim of her being mauled - accidentally, mind you - by Sam? Surely not due to her recklessness, as no one jumps on Bella about hers.
32. How does Sam give Bella advice that no one else considers, and then she completely forgets/ignores it for the rest of forever?
33. Where is the logic? Did it go to store and never come back, or has it been absent all along?
34. So, if Bella unlocked the door with her trembling anf grateful fingers, does that make the rest of her hand indignant?
35. If Emmett and Jasper took care of James, doesn't that technically make Rosalie and Alice targets along with Bella?
36. Stephenie Meyer explains Jacob is okay with cursing...Bella...not so much. Amazing what the ellipsis can do, right?
37. Does Stepheneie *Meyer understand the usage of commas*?
38. Why do both of Bella's love interests cause her to - at some point, or two, or three - feel like a child or a baby?
39. Why is it that when you *dissect certain sentences*, use the comma/dash placement as a guide, and rearrange them, they make no sense?
40. Why does Bella contradict herself on a single page? (298, New Moon, I believe)
41. Why does every male character seem *so infactuated with Bella*? *Nearly every single one*. Why?
42. Why did Stephenie make it so that Jacob imprinted on the one thing he hated the most? The thing which ripped his world apart and sybolized the loss of a dear and close friend?
43. THIS (found herehttp://reasoningwithvampires.tumblr.com/ ): Can I just say thank you for this blog? Because really. I mean, I knew (after reading all four books myself in a sort of fascinated horror) that the series was poorly-written, but seeing you delve into the badness at this level of detail is just stunningly eye-opening. It's like there's a horrific car crash and you can't look away, and then you go up to the wreckage afterwards and start picking through it and HOLY CRAP, there was a TRAIN WRECK and an AIRPLANE CRASH and a BIZARRE GARDENING ACCIDENT happening INSIDE the car all along before the violent explosions on the freeway even started, and you had no idea, and also you thought that there were people sitting in the car who might be injured or dead now but actually the passengers aren't people they're massive chewing spider crabs who are very much alive and filled with rage towards the world and the human race and things are SO MUCH WORSE THAN YOU THOUGHT. And your blog is the crowbar that wrenches the mutilated car door off its smoking hinges and exposes all of this. So thank you. Thank you thank you and now I have to run from the chewing spidercrabs goodbye.

Well, THANKS IN ADVANCE, FOLKS.