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A Guide To Twilight Recovery: Puddinginthesky Style!

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Okay, so Ginswan's article on Twilight rehab inspired me to make my own. First off, a quick intro:



TWILIGHT RECOVERY is simply a way of becoming a better and more informed fan. You can be one of two types of fans; A) The crazy, annoying as heck fangirl that an make everyone look bad without realizing it, or B) The informed fan that realizes Twilight is just a fandom, not life.

Feel free to identify with either. I will teach you how to branch out from Twilight into bigger and better books. You will come back to Twilight with greater insight and the ability to better appreciate Meyer's outlook on vampires and romance.

One of the common mistakes it not realizing that you're going overboard. Be a fan, just don't get overzealous. Twilight fans have a rep for being loud, immature, and downright annoying. To be realistic, you can't just go about being proud of that. I mean. really.

  1. ADMITTING YOU HAVE A PROBLEM: "ZOMG, TWILIGHT IZ LYK DA BEST THANG EVA!~!1111!!!" Bad. Very, very bad. Either you're having an off day or you need help. I vote the latter. You need to ask yourself, "do I obsess over Edward Cullen or Jacob Black, calling them the most wonderful men on Earth? Do I find myself calling Stephenie Meyer the best author ever? Do I take disses to Twilight personally?" Newsflash, you may have a problem.
  2. ANTI-DRUGS ARE DA KEY, HOMIE: Yes, they are. Mine was Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles. Some people use Dracula. I advise flat out vampire novels. If the vampires sparkle or spend half of the book angsting over killing Bambi, put it down. Try to stay away from things like House of Night and True Blood and The Vampire Diaries. You need something classic. A good strong dose. This'll let you know if you can handle the heat, or just need to get out of the kitchen. I assure you, Lestat de Lioncourt can seranade you with his narratives and descriptions of 18th century France and New Orleans. Dracula is what we regard as the foundation of vampire novels. Yes, the pale guy with fangs and a cape.
  3. GET OVER VAMPIREAPHOBIA: I can hear you now, griping about fangs and drinking from humans and not sparkling. Honey child, welcome to vampires. For centuries we've seen them as vicious creatures, stalking maidens and seducing them for their blood. Fangs allow for neat and tidy drinking. The two puncture would make holes big enough to get the required amount of blood. Capes are just cool. Bats, too. Vampires burn in the sunlight. It's their unholiness shining through (no pun intended). Coffins are a metaphor. What's dead is dead. Be careful with picking an anti-drug. I'll volunteer to perscribe you one. If you want romance infused more with horror, I can help you.
  4. TAKE A VACAY: Watch, read, and enjoy all the vampire-y goodness the world of entertainment has to offer. Be enchanted by the drop-dead gorgeous vampires that Anne Rice dreamed up. Armand, the original ginger vampire... Or, visit Dracula, the horrific creature of the night who posed as a hospitable Count. Whatever your fix, grab a friend, some popcorn and watch/read till your closed eyes are swimming with visions of fanged fiends and lovelies.
  5. EVALUATE WHAT YOU DONE BE LEARN-ED: So, I'm gonna assume you learned that Twilight is, in fact, NOT the most perfect peice of literature to ever appear on Earth. Sorry. Now, think of Twilight vampires in comparison to the others... Sparklepires are tamer. They appeal to the average teenage girl. Yeah. Now, you should realize where you went wrong. Obsession. Evaluate love as it is presented in each book. Dig deep and uncover what hidden messages the author didn't even know were there. Whoa, whoa! You probably think, "Man, I could be in school doing this!". True, but even a simple brush over should tell you something about differences. Make sure you reread the Saga.
  6. YOO IS NAOW CERTIFIED-ED!: Yes, after all that hard work and rehabilitation, your non-Twilighter friends will now thank you for being less crazy and more bearable. Now, they may even read the series. You've been tamed, I assume. If not, oh, well, maybe when your're more mature. You can discuss vampires and romance without being biased... And, maybe, just maybe, Edward has been replaced...


HOW TO GET A "PRESCRIPTION": Answer the following questions and recieve a book/movie list as a reply:

  1. Do you like the action or romance of Twilight most, when you really thing about it?
  2. Who are your top three favorite characters?
  3. "I won't read a book over _______ pages long!"
  4. Qualities a book's hero/heroine MUST have?
  5. Book/Movie ratings I can read/watch: G, PG, PG-14, PG-16, NC-17, R


Hope I Can/Did Help!

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