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Bella/Carlisle Sick inside

Damonfan22 February 8, 2011 User blog:Damonfan22

I'm just a girl who/kissed a boy.It's not like I meant for this to happen. It was an accident. I wouldn't hurt Edward like that.Who is in love with someone else.The kiss was just impulsive. I love Esme. But in that moment, I couldn't help it.I didn't mean to/feel the way I do.I didn't mean to love him. I knew it wasn't supposed to happen.It just happened by itself.Looking at her, her eyes, her smile, was too much. So I kissed her without thinking.'And now I'm sick inside.The day after our kiss, I thought I was going to throw up. How could I betray Edward like this?Yeah it makes me wanna cry.I couldn't cry. But I wanted to, for hurting my wife this way.I'm so sorry about last night."Edward, please. Forgive me." I truly was sorry.Yeah it happened so fast.'I wanted it to last.In that moment, feeling her lips on mine and her heart race, I didn't want to stop kissing her.In the moment it felt so right."What are we doing, Carlisle?""I don't know. But it feels right.""Yeah, it does."But now I'm sick inside.It felt like every type of imaginable pain that could happen to a vampire was being inflicted on me as Esme looked at me with tear filled eyes.He stopped by my house/we were hanging out."Hey Carlisle."He smiled."Mind if I join you?"He was wondering where you are."Wasn't Esme supposed to come see you, Bella?""Yeah, but she didn't."We went walking/we were just talking.I took her for a walk around the woods, asking her about Jacob and her friends.Then he kissed me by his car.We got back to his Mercedes, and as I turned to leave, Carlisle grabbed my hand. Pulling me close, he kissed me softly.And now I'm sick inside/yeah it makes me wanna cry."Bella, what are we going to do?"My throat constricted."I don't know. You kissed me, remember?"I'm so sorry about last night."Esme, please say something."But she turned her head."I'm sorry!""Doesn't change anything, Carlisle."Yeah it happened so fast.'I wanted it to last."Bella, can you honestly say that you wanted the kiss to end?"Could I?"No, Edward."In the moment it felt so right.I couldn't end it. I didn't want to. Kissing her made me see stars.But now I'm sick inside."I feel so sick, and so wrong, Edward. I know I can't take the kiss back, but please just forgive me?"Now I'm stuck with this feeling in the pit of my soul.'Guess I should've had a little self control.Where was all of my perfected self control when I needed it? How could it just disappear when it mattered the most.Looking at her, I guess it didn't matter anymore.I knew that it was wrong/I admit it.Why was I kissing Carlisle? I loved Edward. It was wrong to do this.I wish there was a way that I could make it alright."Esme, if I could make things normal again, I would.""I wish I could go back, Edward."I really wanna tell you that I put up a fight."Did you at least fight it?" Their eyes begged us to say yes.We wanted to lie so badly.But that would be a lie.But we couldn't."No.""No."And now I'm sick inside.'Yeah it makes me wanna cry.I could see tears form in Carlisle's eyes.And in mine.I'm so sorry about last night."Bella, Edward, Esme. This is my fault. I'm truly sorry for my lapse in judgement."What was he saying? It was my fault too."Not just his, but mine as well."Yeah it happened so fast/I wanted it to last.As I looked at her, the kiss replayed in my head. But I wasn't sorry for kissing her, just for hurting everyone else."I didn't want the kiss to end. I love Carlisle too much.""I feel the exact same way about Bella."In the moment/it felt so right."We acted on impulse, you two. We can't help feeling that way."And now I'm sick inside."Leave," Esme said quietly.I could tell that Edward felt sick."I'm sorry."Now I'm sick inside.'Yeah it makes me wanna cry.I could feel my tears falling.In the moment it felt so right.How could I risk everything for a kiss? Even if it seemed like the right thing to do?I'm just a girl.I was just a girl who fell in love.Who kissed a boy.I was the one who made this happen. If I hadn't kissed Bella, this wouldn't be happening.But I didn't regret anything.Who is in love with you."Don't make Carlisle leave, Esme. It was my fault."I turned to leave, and caught a glimpse of Carlisle's golden eyes.I love you, Bella, they said.But he couldn't love me.Not anymore.

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