So, I know I haven't been around here in a while even if I do come back every day, but I have something to share::
This fic in hilarious, well at least I know I almost choked on some chapters. Really guys, I know there are tons of fics with the Cullens IMing or passing notes or going to therapy, but this.. this is ROFl stuff. At least for me.
So.. I don't really want to spoil anything, but here is some passages and stuff that might want to make you read it.
"His...name...Dr. ...Dover...Benjamin...oh my gosh.. ..." At this point Bella and Jasper both exploded which set off Emmett again.
I glared at Edward and thought What the hell is so funny Edward? You guys are acting like two year olds.
Edward closed his eyes to regain his composure, knowing my patience was past it's limit and we hadn't even seen the doctor yet. "Carlisle...his name is Benjamin Dover...get it..." Alice and Rosalie started howling so they obviously did "Dr. Ben...Dover. His parents must not have liked him very much..." And with that, my normally composed son, fell out of his chair."
"Hello, Dr. Dover. My name is Edward Cullen and this is my girlfriend Bella Swan." He extended his hand out to me, and again I was met with an extremely frigid hand.
Strong grip, confident, didn't let his girlfriend introduce herself...control issues obviously.
I noticed Edward's eyes change from lighthearted to serious quickly. Mood swings too... He sighed and leaned back in his chair as Bella shook my hand timidly. She hid her face behind her hair as some sort of protection as she blushed.
Self confidence issues...probably brought on by the overbearing boyfriend.
Another scowl from Edward. Anger issues too...possibly Bi-polar.
Next to introduce them self was the smallest Cullen, who was now bouncing in her seat with excitement. "My name is Mary Alice Brandon Cullen but you can call me Alice!" She was a very high energy person I could tell by all the bouncing.
Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder possibly, with some impulse control issues as well. I wonder if she's ever been on medication for it.
"Jasper Hale." Was all the tall lanky blond said, barely making eye contact with me.
Emotionally withdrawn, possible depression, a man of few words.
"So, I just want to make sure I got all this information right. Four months ago, Edward tried to kill himself because he thought that Bella had died. This was a mistake that both of his sisters passed on to him because at the time they believed it to be true?" Everyone mumbled a quick yes. OK, I can live with that part of it...we could work on those things. Another deep breath.
"Bella somehow saved him and they are happy now. And the reason Edward and Bella weren't happy back then was because Edward had left her, to keep her safe, after Jasper tried to kill her on her birthday. But Bella has forgiven him for that. Is that fairly accurate?" I scanned the room, waiting for someone to correct me. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I almost threw up when I saw all eight heads nodding in confirmation.
I grabbed the telephone. "Stephenie, cancel my next three appointments, this may take a while."
"How often do you steal Bella's clothes?"
"Um- well, I never thought about it before...daily I guess."
"Every day, you steal some of her clothes? What do you do with the clothes you take from Bella?"
Good question, I'd like to know that too. I thought to myself.
Alice was caught off guard by the question. "I give them to a group of homeless people that live down by the river." Alice mumbled quietly.
"You give my clothes to the River People? Are you nuts? So you're telling me, that the sweater my dear grandma gave me for my birthday last year that 'made my hips look huge' is being worn by a hobo named Buzzy?" I screamed.
"No Bella, don't be absurd. Buzzy doesn't wear your clothes, he burns them in the fire for heat. Your wardrobe is heating the homeless." I still don't know how she said it with a straight face. Rosalie burst into hysterical laughter. Apparently, Rosalie didn't know about Alice's relationship with the homeless community but she was enjoying herself thoroughly.
"Tell me the truth, please Rose. Are you hungry right now?"
"You have no idea." she hissed in my direction. Her eyes were black as coal.
"Stephenie, come here for a minute." Dr. Dover said into the phone. A second later, Stephenie arrived in the doorway. "Yes doctor?"
"Bring me an apple please."
Okay guys, I have tried to give as much away without boring you to tears because most of this stuff is great in the actual context, and also without extending too much. A.. or so. It's one of the funniest fics I've ever read, one of the most popular too, with over 7000 reviews.