Buy him a dog. Name it Jacob.

by VampireGirl

to kill bella

by Twilight girl

take his mobile and set the ringtone to 'like a virgin'by madonna

by Simran bajaj

tell him that bella has decided to marry jacob

by Simran bajaj

Eat all of his porridge.

by Thenaturals

if he starts fighting with you say him 'wat will you do edward,go to italy'

by Simran bajaj

if he artgues with you then end the quarrel with 'bite me'.

by Simran bajaj

Always call him Batman.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Tie Bella to some railroad tracks. When he gets angry, say, “A little overprotective, aren’t we? Jacob wouldn’t mind this at all.”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

go into his room and smash his cd collection and then spread the cd's on the floor and when he comes say looks shinie

by Simran bajaj

Randomly buy him a pet llama. When he asks why, ask, “Why not?”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Ask him to help you do something impossible (save the world, build an atomic bomb, find a rainbow unicorn). When he has trouble, tell him, “Never mind. I’ll just have Jacob help me.”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

call him romeo behind him and on his face

by Simran bajaj

ask him how tanys is

by Simran bajaj

steal his silver volvo and go for a joyride

by Simran bajaj

tell him that his hair is not bronze it is ginger

by Simran bajaj

tell him that his piano playing is horrible

by Simran bajaj

ask him how old he is

by Simran bajaj

Scream and say, “Hey, aren’t you that guy from Harry Potter?!”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Tell him that Jane has the coolest power ever and that it is way better than reading minds, which is only an invasion of privacy.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

When flying on an airplane, tell him in a low voice, “If this plane crashes on an island, we’re eating Bella first.”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Invite Jacob’s whole family to the wedding. When he gets mad, start crying and say, “I was only trying to help!”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Kidnap Bella. When he asks where she is, say, “Don’t worry about it.”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

When he threatens to kill you, say, “Now, aren’t we being a little hasty?” in a calm voice.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

When he really is going to kill you, blame Alice. Say that she took Bella to L.A. to go shopping.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Try to take his pulse and freak out when you discover he doesn’t have one.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Tell him he needs to get a tan, then take him to a tanning salon.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Go into his room and smash his CD collection. When he comes in, point at the mess and say, “Lookie. Shiny.”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Run around with a lighter, threatening to set him on fire if he comes any closer to you.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Show him a picture of Robert Pattinson and laugh at their resemblance.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Go to the back of the Cullen house and constantly throw rocks at the glass-paned windows.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Invite him to a bonfire in La Push.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Act offended when he rejects the invitation.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Make a shirt for him that says, “I kissed a wolf” on the front with, “and I liked it” on the back.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Scold him for going out with Bella who is sooo much younger than him.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Get a $100 McDonald’s gift card for his ___ (fill in the blank) birthday.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Cry when he refuses to use it because he cannot eat.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Slip love notes into his locker and sign them Jacob Black.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

“Accidentally” total his Volvo with Bella’s truck.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Laugh when Bella trips. Loudly.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Imagine his life in twenty years: minivan, house in the suburbs, twelve kids.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Point out the dark circles under his eyes. Tell him he needs a good night of sleep.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Offer your concealer.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Withdraw the offer quickly and say, “Sorry, you’re too pale for this shade.”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Ask him to sign your copy of Twilight.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

When he plans the wedding, ask, “Who’s going to come? You only know, like, four people.”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

When he plans his wedding, say, “The leading cause of divorce is young marriage, y’know…”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Suggest that the Cullens have more “family meetings”. Make a point to not invite Bella.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Ask him to be a gangsta with you for Halloween.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Key his car: EDWARD + JACOB = LUVV

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Change his license plate to “IluvJacob”.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Sell his car to Jacob for five dollars.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Pretend you don’t know where the car went and show him the five dollars, saying it was left on the porch.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Poke him repeatedly saying, “Dead flesh!”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Sing the Batman theme song around him all the time.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

When he tells you to stop, say, “You asked for it”, then start singing it in your head.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Bake him a birthday cake that says, “Happy _____ (fill in the blank) Birthday, Batman!”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Ask him to turn you into a vampire.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

When he says no, threaten him with Bella’s life.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

When he finally agrees to bite you, whisper in his ear, “I can’t wait till Bella hears about this.”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Shout "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" ever time he's about to say something.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Every time he looks totally uncomfortable, sing, "Jizz in my pants..."

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is good-looking. When he says no, tell him that he has self-esteem issues.

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Call him “a very unhappy person” and tell him to get therapy. When he refuses, randomly buy him a teddy bear to “get his feelings out”. When he is confused and speechless, tell him, “You’re welcome.”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt

Kill Bella or anyone else he cares about. When he is deeply depressed and he wants to kill himself, put on a faux-sympathetic face, laugh loudly, then shout, “Sucks for you!!”

by TeamTaycobSoDealWithIt